I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
