I wish I only lived at night.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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