Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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