At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
