I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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