Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I AM VODKA MAN
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize