You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
