I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
