If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
