I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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