man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
