He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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