who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
