Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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