so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
