God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize