I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your cock deserves a montage
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
