3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
