He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you never un-have a 4some
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
