So gin and wine won't be happening again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
