And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
