Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
