Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
