Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
