You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
