I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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