The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
