Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
