I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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