one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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