Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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