I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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