I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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