i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
