ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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