gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
