Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
