So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
