if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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