i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
