There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize