she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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