His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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