I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
