It's Friday. Sex?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
