i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
