Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
