Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
