turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When did angry sex become our thing?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
