my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
