Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
