we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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