and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
