hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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