My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ok first of all what the fuck
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
