how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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