i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
