i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
