I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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