They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
