I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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