Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
