at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
