Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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