"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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