Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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