You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
