Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
