why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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