Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
