I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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