I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
