this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
